To teenagers with testosterones exploding through their ears, today is to late whereas to parents, hopefully Never!
Sex is a wonderful act between 2 people in love and its God's way of recreating life. Human is the only animal with enough creativity to commercialize sex. Since time immemorial, sex has been sold and traded not for procreation but recreation. It is instinctive and everyone (hopefully everyone) will one day experience it. If it is a natural act, why then are there so many objections from parents and why is so taboo?
Parents, as a whole is not so worried about their children having sex but rather the fear of them making the wrong choice and the inability to face the consequences that it brings. Just like the proverbial 'forbidden fruit of Eden', sex should be treated with utmost respect and care.
Many teenagers and in many cases, even adults have died by it. Some innocent lives were also lost from it. If misused, the consequences can be devastating and that is the biggest fear of the parents.
Admittedly, the urge can many times be overwhelming to teenagers going through puberty and with the easy availability of pornography on the Internet and on the street corners, their initial exposure is purely physical. It takes great willpower to resist it. So if we expect teenagers to be celibate, when should be the right age?
As a yardstick measurement, if you are doubtful, it is still not the right time yet. I always believe that sex has great consequences and a person should be mature mentally before indulging in it. Most parents fear unwanted pregnancy and diseases, particularly AIDS that could destroy their child's life due to just a few moments of pleasure and the worst part of it is that the male (in most cases) are not willing to take responsibility for nor are their stable enough to admit to the pregnancy. Here's a fact for young girls out there...
A guy will say whatever you want to hear just to have sex with you and unlike women, men can have sex with anybody without any emotional attachment. This means that they will say they love and care for you (what women likes to hear most) and you consenting to sex is the proof of your love for him. Bull! If he really loves you, he will never force you to have sex. For young women, losing your virginity to such louse is really not worth it. Also, remember that to a young stud, getting a girl's virginity is like a trophy and his bragging rights. So not only do you lose your virginity, you also lose your reputation amongst his peers.
Before you indulge in sex, be responsible and think of the consequences. What if you become pregnant or infected? What about your studies, your future? All the things that you wanted to do? More importantly, think about your parents because they will carry your burden as well and more. They will feel responsible and guilty, even though its no fault of theirs. And when the adverse happens, where do you think your guy will be or say? "Are you sure it's mine? And swooosh! they're off, never to be seen again. It's just not worth it.
Most people never think about the consequences and I assure I have gone through it and the experience can be traumatic. I had my first sexual experience when I was in secondary school and for the next few weeks thereafter, you worry just about everything like will she gets pregnant (like I say, you don't think about it before) and how will I face my parents if it happens. It keeps messing your mind and your school works become affected. You just cannot concentrate on anything until you hear her period has come!
When is it the right age? When you are emotionally matured enough to be able to accept the consequences. But as a precaution, in whatever situation when sex is inevitable, please protect yourself and keep your fingers crossed and hope her period come.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The greatest mystery of my life
Something happened years ago that have always boggled me. No, it's not one of those macabre mysteries that somebody got killed or decapitated but sometime so trivial that you don't think about but has been with you ever since. Till today, I am still unable to figure out what and why it happened and I hope all you smart alexes and alexiss out there will be able to help me shed some light on it.
Back in the sixties, life was definitely not like what it is today. Televisions were showing Malays consuming liqour in bars surrounded by bargirls whom today are referred to as the politically-correct term of Guest Relations Officer (GRO) (...ahh a rose by any other name would still be a rose, so said Shakespeare). Movies were allowed to show x-rated movies but women are still generally not allowed to go out on dates! Life was as ironic then as it is now.
On one particular afternoon when I was just 9 years old, my father, for no apparent reason, took me to see a movie. Just when the show was about to start, my father suddenly told me that he has to go back to man the family business and I was left alone to watch the movie.
Like always, before the movie start, the national anthem was played and we need to stand in attention. See? We are patriotic Malaysians even from then. After that, a newsreel will be played. This was like CNN that shows news of the world (remember, TV was still not widely available then). The light then dimmed and the show began....
Then, I sensed something was wrong! On the screen, all I could see were naked dancing girls. There were bare breasted women in every scene and maybe I was too young then, I do not however recall any sexual act scenes. I thought I was suppose to see an action movie but it turned out my father has sent me to watch an x-rated movie!
Was it a mistake? It cannot be because if it was, then my father would have taken me out immediately. Was it an attempt by my father to teach me the fact of life? It can't be. I was only 9 years old and still not able to disassociate boobs from milk.
The biggest mystery is that my father do not have time to take me to a movie and he is the typical father of those days. Stern, strict and no-nonsense character. In fact, most people would pee in their pants just by looking at him! So what went through his head that day? What in the world could have made him to take me to that movie?
My father passed away 1973 and the answer died with him.
It was a trivial matter but a funny episode that defies logic and rationality but whatever his intention was, I am glad to say that I have now been able to differentiate boobs from milk. But one thing never change, the container of the milk still comes in attractive sizes.
Back in the sixties, life was definitely not like what it is today. Televisions were showing Malays consuming liqour in bars surrounded by bargirls whom today are referred to as the politically-correct term of Guest Relations Officer (GRO) (...ahh a rose by any other name would still be a rose, so said Shakespeare). Movies were allowed to show x-rated movies but women are still generally not allowed to go out on dates! Life was as ironic then as it is now.
On one particular afternoon when I was just 9 years old, my father, for no apparent reason, took me to see a movie. Just when the show was about to start, my father suddenly told me that he has to go back to man the family business and I was left alone to watch the movie.
Like always, before the movie start, the national anthem was played and we need to stand in attention. See? We are patriotic Malaysians even from then. After that, a newsreel will be played. This was like CNN that shows news of the world (remember, TV was still not widely available then). The light then dimmed and the show began....
Then, I sensed something was wrong! On the screen, all I could see were naked dancing girls. There were bare breasted women in every scene and maybe I was too young then, I do not however recall any sexual act scenes. I thought I was suppose to see an action movie but it turned out my father has sent me to watch an x-rated movie!
Was it a mistake? It cannot be because if it was, then my father would have taken me out immediately. Was it an attempt by my father to teach me the fact of life? It can't be. I was only 9 years old and still not able to disassociate boobs from milk.
The biggest mystery is that my father do not have time to take me to a movie and he is the typical father of those days. Stern, strict and no-nonsense character. In fact, most people would pee in their pants just by looking at him! So what went through his head that day? What in the world could have made him to take me to that movie?
My father passed away 1973 and the answer died with him.
It was a trivial matter but a funny episode that defies logic and rationality but whatever his intention was, I am glad to say that I have now been able to differentiate boobs from milk. But one thing never change, the container of the milk still comes in attractive sizes.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Peter Pan
I had an amazing and surreal experience this morning. Yeong visited my blog and commented on how my article has inspired her to better understand her father. I really appreciated her comments and thank you. You have also inspired me. One of the things that I hope to achieve from writing a blog was to give an unbiased views on things that will help others, even one would have made me happy. I did it and I'm grateful it happened so soon that I am inspired to give more of my 2 sens worth.
I'm sure most of you have heard or read about Peter Pan, the boy that doesn't want to grow up. If you had really read the story well, you'll see that its also about adults who have lost or forgotten their childhood.
Most fathers are Peter Pans because in their journey to parenthood, their heavy responsibilities had forced them to suppress the child in them and to put on a persona that most of us are familiar with. Stern, Disciplinarian, Opinionated and sometimes, stubborn. I lament the many sad voices that I hear from my daughters' friends about how they find it difficult to talk to their fathers and how they feel that their fathers don't understand them.
I pride myself to be a good father but I am good because I have great children who allow me to become one. Likewise, before you cry about the 'injustices' that you faced from your fathers, give a thought to what you have done for him. Instead of saying your father don't understand you, have you tried to make your father see your views? I can assure you most children feel intimidated by their fathers.
It is the responsibilities since time immemorial that fathers should be the disciplinarian. They have to suppress their youthfulness (remember, nobody wants to grow old) so that they feel they will be able to keep their family together. They fear that by letting down their guard, they will lose the respect and control of their family. This is where the role of the children comes in. To have better parents, you need to show them that you are capable of taking care of yourself and in making good decisions. You need to show them that you can differentiate what is right and what is wrong. Parents will die one day and their biggest fear is to leave their children on their own. That's why they are protective (from a child's eyes, that's sternness). Try grabbing a baby eagle from its nest and come hell or fury, the parent will be try to bite your eyes off! Don't expect your father to change his persona overnight, though. It took him years to develop his character. Be patient and I assure you, you'll see the father you like.
Children complains about their fathers' stern and controlling character but would you then prefer a father who don't care at all? Many will say No!
Children are better educated today then what we were back then. Better less educated and less exposed, people then to be more stubborn and difficult to control. That's why parents need to be stern and rule with the cane back then. But things have changed tremendously. With the Internet and higher education, children today, to me, are by far, much better. Parents, particularly fathers have not evolved much. In today's era, the children must lead because parents are lost in the world of electronics and computers. They only know the negative things they read in the newspapers. For example, they control you using the computers because they fear you being cheated or visiting porn sites. Instead of saying that they are unreasonable, involve your father in what you do. Show him how computer helping you and how you are responsible. The more he understand, the more comfortable he'll feel.
Sometimes, children gets involved in things that the parents don't understand. For example, you have a talent for photography and want to pursue it further but you need to invest in equipments. No parents will immediately agree simply because he sees it as a waste of money (his major concern) and in most cases, the child has a history of being 'hangat-hangat tahi ayam'. The other thing on the father's mind is that you can't make a living from photography although like at any other professions, photography can make money. Again, you need to engage him in your hobby. Show him the photos that you have taken. Get him involved in your photo shoots. Ask his opinions. Bring out the Peter Pan in him.
Take a good close look at your father. He probably looks old and haggard and appears to have have a lot on his mind. As I mentioned earlier in my other postings, fathers then to keep everything to themselves because they do not want to burden their family. If you want to have a good father, you need to be good sons or daughters. Engage him more in what you do so that he can understand your world better and similarly by engaging more into his world, you will also create a better and happier family environment.
You are the Peter Pans who refuse to grow up and your fathers have the Peter Pans within them. There are actually a lot of similarities between you too. You both need only to drop your persona and bring out the Peter Pans in all of you.
I'm sure most of you have heard or read about Peter Pan, the boy that doesn't want to grow up. If you had really read the story well, you'll see that its also about adults who have lost or forgotten their childhood.
Most fathers are Peter Pans because in their journey to parenthood, their heavy responsibilities had forced them to suppress the child in them and to put on a persona that most of us are familiar with. Stern, Disciplinarian, Opinionated and sometimes, stubborn. I lament the many sad voices that I hear from my daughters' friends about how they find it difficult to talk to their fathers and how they feel that their fathers don't understand them.
I pride myself to be a good father but I am good because I have great children who allow me to become one. Likewise, before you cry about the 'injustices' that you faced from your fathers, give a thought to what you have done for him. Instead of saying your father don't understand you, have you tried to make your father see your views? I can assure you most children feel intimidated by their fathers.
It is the responsibilities since time immemorial that fathers should be the disciplinarian. They have to suppress their youthfulness (remember, nobody wants to grow old) so that they feel they will be able to keep their family together. They fear that by letting down their guard, they will lose the respect and control of their family. This is where the role of the children comes in. To have better parents, you need to show them that you are capable of taking care of yourself and in making good decisions. You need to show them that you can differentiate what is right and what is wrong. Parents will die one day and their biggest fear is to leave their children on their own. That's why they are protective (from a child's eyes, that's sternness). Try grabbing a baby eagle from its nest and come hell or fury, the parent will be try to bite your eyes off! Don't expect your father to change his persona overnight, though. It took him years to develop his character. Be patient and I assure you, you'll see the father you like.
Children complains about their fathers' stern and controlling character but would you then prefer a father who don't care at all? Many will say No!
Children are better educated today then what we were back then. Better less educated and less exposed, people then to be more stubborn and difficult to control. That's why parents need to be stern and rule with the cane back then. But things have changed tremendously. With the Internet and higher education, children today, to me, are by far, much better. Parents, particularly fathers have not evolved much. In today's era, the children must lead because parents are lost in the world of electronics and computers. They only know the negative things they read in the newspapers. For example, they control you using the computers because they fear you being cheated or visiting porn sites. Instead of saying that they are unreasonable, involve your father in what you do. Show him how computer helping you and how you are responsible. The more he understand, the more comfortable he'll feel.
Sometimes, children gets involved in things that the parents don't understand. For example, you have a talent for photography and want to pursue it further but you need to invest in equipments. No parents will immediately agree simply because he sees it as a waste of money (his major concern) and in most cases, the child has a history of being 'hangat-hangat tahi ayam'. The other thing on the father's mind is that you can't make a living from photography although like at any other professions, photography can make money. Again, you need to engage him in your hobby. Show him the photos that you have taken. Get him involved in your photo shoots. Ask his opinions. Bring out the Peter Pan in him.
Take a good close look at your father. He probably looks old and haggard and appears to have have a lot on his mind. As I mentioned earlier in my other postings, fathers then to keep everything to themselves because they do not want to burden their family. If you want to have a good father, you need to be good sons or daughters. Engage him more in what you do so that he can understand your world better and similarly by engaging more into his world, you will also create a better and happier family environment.
You are the Peter Pans who refuse to grow up and your fathers have the Peter Pans within them. There are actually a lot of similarities between you too. You both need only to drop your persona and bring out the Peter Pans in all of you.
To all the girls I loved before...
I love women! All types. It doesn't matter whether they are short, tall, fat, thin, beautiful and ugly. To me, I am fascinated by them and believe me when I say that I have yet to meet an ugly woman. Contrary to popular beliefs, I find women emotionally stronger and more resilient than men. In times of despair, it is the women that always seems to stand out more. I have the utmost respect for them and throughout my career in the cosmetic industry, I have better understanding of women than men.
On a personal basis, I have had the fortune and the privilege of having met many wonderful women who have left a lifetime of memories and in this 'no-holds bar' revelation of my life that not many knows about or something that a father will not reveal. This is an amazing story of relationships that, to me, would only happened to 'good-looking hunks' and not 'junk' like me.
To give a perspective of why I say its amazing is that I am not, repeat, not a good-looking man! Even when I was young, I was plump and geeky. In fact, I was in China on several occasions the past year and on two occasions at two different places, I was told by young Chinese women that I look like their dead leader, Chairman Mao! I was hoping they would say Brat Pitt but ended up Brat Pitt-Bull instead. Under the universal law of attraction, I should end up as a hermit, celibate and living in a cave somewhere but far from it, I have had amazing relationships that most men could only dream about.
I am writing about this for several reasons.
One, I want my children to share part of my life in a time when they were not even conceived so that they can better understand their old man.
Two, I want them to know also that any advice given by the old man is not just opinions or judgements but through experiences that the old man has one through, and
Three, I want young readers who visit my blog to know that fathers, irrespective of their current outlook and persona, are basically the same as them when they were young and hopefully, through this, be able to bridge a better mutual understanding and respect for each other.
My love was when I was 12 years old. Puppy Love, you'd say? Well, it lasted for 8 years! When it ended, it took me over a year to recover!
It all started innocently through teasing. She was a neighbour and a friend of my cousins whom I always visit. Then it progressed to letter correspondence because it was prehistoric b.c. period (before computer). Letters need to be hand-delivered or posted and it would be a week before you'll a reply. Talk about slow build-up. Receiving a letter was a happy occasion and it was after 6 months of correspondence that we went out on our very first date. She would sneak out of the back door and meet me near a river behind her house and we'll walk before we stopped at coffeeshop for a drink. I can still vividly remember people walking-by and staring at us and I never knew why until decades later when I chance upon a young couple and realized how ridiculous we must have been back then. But it didn't matter to me, I was in love...We did everything together but unfortunately, it affected my studies as I lost my priorities. From a boy that's always first in class, I ended up being the last! Thank God that I was mature enough to take remedial actions to improve. It was from this relationship that I had my first kiss (the radio was playing 'Without You' by Nilsson in the background). However, all good things must come to an end and it ended not because of any third party but because after 8 years and at an age when your future is still uncertain, we simply ran out of things to say to each other. In fact, I was even asked by my mother then whether I want to marry her but the answer was obvious. It was the most depressing period of my life and for one year, I would just stare at the walls and when walking on the street, you always seems to run into someone that looks like her. We kept in touch for a while and she got married and divorced and I've lost contact with her since. I wish her well.
What I would like my children to learn from this is that you have to be matured enough mentally to start a relationship. I wouldn't recommend this at secondary school level because when you are happy, you can't study and when you have quarrels, you can't focus. Also, when you start young, it'll never last because by the time you are ready to focus on your career, your relationship would have become stale and your priority will be different by then.
After I got out of my depression, I was introduced to a woman by my brother's friend and although I wasn't ready for a relationship, we hit-it off right away. She was a very unassuming person , intelligent and I would remember making a comment about a certain look and the next time we meet, she'll be decked out in preciously the way I said it. She was very accommodating but I knew there was no future for us so I just stopped seeing her after 6 months. No goodbye notes, no telephone call. Looking back, it seems so insensitive. It was 10 years later that we met again. Out of the blue , I received a call from her and we met and had dinner. She has since got married and is already a mother. Since then, I have lost contact with her.
I was a geek and immediately after the 'break-up', I attended a New Years Eve Party and like everyone else, I was fearful of rejection. So I looked for the fattest girl to ask her to dance thinking she'll never reject me. I never went further with the girl but left the party with a group of girls who sat in my car to drive to Gurney Drive to welcome the New Year. I was smitten by the girl sitting next to me and the next day, I called her for a date. She hesitated but was later persuaded by sister who apparently was one of the other girls sitting at the back of my car. We hit it off straightaway but I had to end the relationship 6 months later because of incompatibility. I remember her crying through the phone but we remains good friend and still call each other occasionally.
The world is really very small because the girl that I was to be married to was in the same New Years Eve Party where I met my previous girlfriend. It was a year later that I was introduced to her by an old classmate of mine. At that time, I was seriously looking for a relationship and when I first met her, the first thought that came to my mind was that this is the woman who would be the mother of my child! Honest! Our relationship lasted for three and a half years but it was anything but bliss! We would argue on everything petty and we would argue and not speak to each other over RM1 or being late to pick her from work! In all fairness, she treated me well and probably loved me but her ways of expressing her love are sometimes hard to accept. Unfortunately, like most men, you want to take responsibility. Thinking that her behaviour was probably due to her insecurity of our relationship, we decided to get married. Big mistake! The problems got worst with arguments over what mattress to buy and how big the reception is going to be! I was miserable. It was during this time, I met my present wife.....(suspense)
I was working as a hair cosmetic salesman then and my current wife was a student in one of the hairdressing schools that I was servicing. It was really fate that got us together because until today, I still cannot explain how we could got together. There was no intention to pursue her as I was already 'married' but somehow, our paths crossed and before we knew it, we were together. I was in a turmoil. Some unfortunate turns of events happened which made me to decide to call off our wedding. The situation got to a point, when my 'wife' tried to commit suicide! It was just like a movie drama but that was probably the last straw because I never like to be intimidated by anybody and knew that if I had given in then, my whole life will be a misery. We then decided to mutually agree to nullify our marriage. What this means is that we get a court order to delete our registration reverting us to our 'bachelorhood' instead of having a stigma as a 'divorcee'. A simple procedure that finally took 7 years to end. I had maintained good relationship with all the women in my life except my 'ex-wife'. I can't blame her. Maybe I was wrong but when your future happiness is at stake, was I wrong to give up a bad relationship for one of happiness? Its been 25 years now that I have been with my present wife. She has gone through bad times with me that I am sure wouldn't have been the case if I had not annulled my marriage. It was a painful decision but by the grace of God, it has been a wonderful decision.
Starting a relationship is easy. Maintaining it is extremely difficult. It is the same to marriage. It takes great fate for two persons to be together and it takes even more sacrifices to keep a marriage and a relationship alive. I have had met many wonderful women in my life. I have experienced suicidal woman. I have had women who fought over me. I have had married women thrown themselves at me. My life has been anything but conventional but I have finally settled down with the only woman that makes my life meaningful. The mother of my beautiful children.
To my children, my advise is..
There is a time and place for everything. Focus on your studies when you are in school. Don't rush into a relationship because it is the 'in-thing'. You don't look for love. Love will find you and your heart will know when it comes.
To all the women that I have met in my life...
Thank you for the memories.
On a personal basis, I have had the fortune and the privilege of having met many wonderful women who have left a lifetime of memories and in this 'no-holds bar' revelation of my life that not many knows about or something that a father will not reveal. This is an amazing story of relationships that, to me, would only happened to 'good-looking hunks' and not 'junk' like me.
To give a perspective of why I say its amazing is that I am not, repeat, not a good-looking man! Even when I was young, I was plump and geeky. In fact, I was in China on several occasions the past year and on two occasions at two different places, I was told by young Chinese women that I look like their dead leader, Chairman Mao! I was hoping they would say Brat Pitt but ended up Brat Pitt-Bull instead. Under the universal law of attraction, I should end up as a hermit, celibate and living in a cave somewhere but far from it, I have had amazing relationships that most men could only dream about.
I am writing about this for several reasons.
One, I want my children to share part of my life in a time when they were not even conceived so that they can better understand their old man.
Two, I want them to know also that any advice given by the old man is not just opinions or judgements but through experiences that the old man has one through, and
Three, I want young readers who visit my blog to know that fathers, irrespective of their current outlook and persona, are basically the same as them when they were young and hopefully, through this, be able to bridge a better mutual understanding and respect for each other.
My love was when I was 12 years old. Puppy Love, you'd say? Well, it lasted for 8 years! When it ended, it took me over a year to recover!
It all started innocently through teasing. She was a neighbour and a friend of my cousins whom I always visit. Then it progressed to letter correspondence because it was prehistoric b.c. period (before computer). Letters need to be hand-delivered or posted and it would be a week before you'll a reply. Talk about slow build-up. Receiving a letter was a happy occasion and it was after 6 months of correspondence that we went out on our very first date. She would sneak out of the back door and meet me near a river behind her house and we'll walk before we stopped at coffeeshop for a drink. I can still vividly remember people walking-by and staring at us and I never knew why until decades later when I chance upon a young couple and realized how ridiculous we must have been back then. But it didn't matter to me, I was in love...We did everything together but unfortunately, it affected my studies as I lost my priorities. From a boy that's always first in class, I ended up being the last! Thank God that I was mature enough to take remedial actions to improve. It was from this relationship that I had my first kiss (the radio was playing 'Without You' by Nilsson in the background). However, all good things must come to an end and it ended not because of any third party but because after 8 years and at an age when your future is still uncertain, we simply ran out of things to say to each other. In fact, I was even asked by my mother then whether I want to marry her but the answer was obvious. It was the most depressing period of my life and for one year, I would just stare at the walls and when walking on the street, you always seems to run into someone that looks like her. We kept in touch for a while and she got married and divorced and I've lost contact with her since. I wish her well.
What I would like my children to learn from this is that you have to be matured enough mentally to start a relationship. I wouldn't recommend this at secondary school level because when you are happy, you can't study and when you have quarrels, you can't focus. Also, when you start young, it'll never last because by the time you are ready to focus on your career, your relationship would have become stale and your priority will be different by then.
After I got out of my depression, I was introduced to a woman by my brother's friend and although I wasn't ready for a relationship, we hit-it off right away. She was a very unassuming person , intelligent and I would remember making a comment about a certain look and the next time we meet, she'll be decked out in preciously the way I said it. She was very accommodating but I knew there was no future for us so I just stopped seeing her after 6 months. No goodbye notes, no telephone call. Looking back, it seems so insensitive. It was 10 years later that we met again. Out of the blue , I received a call from her and we met and had dinner. She has since got married and is already a mother. Since then, I have lost contact with her.
I was a geek and immediately after the 'break-up', I attended a New Years Eve Party and like everyone else, I was fearful of rejection. So I looked for the fattest girl to ask her to dance thinking she'll never reject me. I never went further with the girl but left the party with a group of girls who sat in my car to drive to Gurney Drive to welcome the New Year. I was smitten by the girl sitting next to me and the next day, I called her for a date. She hesitated but was later persuaded by sister who apparently was one of the other girls sitting at the back of my car. We hit it off straightaway but I had to end the relationship 6 months later because of incompatibility. I remember her crying through the phone but we remains good friend and still call each other occasionally.
The world is really very small because the girl that I was to be married to was in the same New Years Eve Party where I met my previous girlfriend. It was a year later that I was introduced to her by an old classmate of mine. At that time, I was seriously looking for a relationship and when I first met her, the first thought that came to my mind was that this is the woman who would be the mother of my child! Honest! Our relationship lasted for three and a half years but it was anything but bliss! We would argue on everything petty and we would argue and not speak to each other over RM1 or being late to pick her from work! In all fairness, she treated me well and probably loved me but her ways of expressing her love are sometimes hard to accept. Unfortunately, like most men, you want to take responsibility. Thinking that her behaviour was probably due to her insecurity of our relationship, we decided to get married. Big mistake! The problems got worst with arguments over what mattress to buy and how big the reception is going to be! I was miserable. It was during this time, I met my present wife.....(suspense)
I was working as a hair cosmetic salesman then and my current wife was a student in one of the hairdressing schools that I was servicing. It was really fate that got us together because until today, I still cannot explain how we could got together. There was no intention to pursue her as I was already 'married' but somehow, our paths crossed and before we knew it, we were together. I was in a turmoil. Some unfortunate turns of events happened which made me to decide to call off our wedding. The situation got to a point, when my 'wife' tried to commit suicide! It was just like a movie drama but that was probably the last straw because I never like to be intimidated by anybody and knew that if I had given in then, my whole life will be a misery. We then decided to mutually agree to nullify our marriage. What this means is that we get a court order to delete our registration reverting us to our 'bachelorhood' instead of having a stigma as a 'divorcee'. A simple procedure that finally took 7 years to end. I had maintained good relationship with all the women in my life except my 'ex-wife'. I can't blame her. Maybe I was wrong but when your future happiness is at stake, was I wrong to give up a bad relationship for one of happiness? Its been 25 years now that I have been with my present wife. She has gone through bad times with me that I am sure wouldn't have been the case if I had not annulled my marriage. It was a painful decision but by the grace of God, it has been a wonderful decision.
Starting a relationship is easy. Maintaining it is extremely difficult. It is the same to marriage. It takes great fate for two persons to be together and it takes even more sacrifices to keep a marriage and a relationship alive. I have had met many wonderful women in my life. I have experienced suicidal woman. I have had women who fought over me. I have had married women thrown themselves at me. My life has been anything but conventional but I have finally settled down with the only woman that makes my life meaningful. The mother of my beautiful children.
To my children, my advise is..
There is a time and place for everything. Focus on your studies when you are in school. Don't rush into a relationship because it is the 'in-thing'. You don't look for love. Love will find you and your heart will know when it comes.
To all the women that I have met in my life...
Thank you for the memories.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
If I die now, will I have regrets?
First and foremost, before I give my two sens worth on my new posting, I would like to express my thanks to those who have taken the trouble to visit my blogs and most of all who have dropped in their comments. I'm sorry for not answering to you as I am still not familiar with blogging yet.
Ok, now to my 2 sens worth!
The past weekend has been one of those rare occasion that I was taken ill. My old body was aching all over and I could hardly move. But like always, I will struggle out of bed and drive to the nearest coffeeshop, have my glass of iced Chinese tea and read my newspapers. After that, I would then decide what breakfast to buy for the family. First come the missus. "What would she like to eat today?" "When was the last time I bought her that?" "How does she likes it made?". The questions keep going through your mind because you want to make sure that when she wakes up, she'll have a nice breakfast, just the way she likes it, waiting for her with her daily newspaper. Having done that, you go through the cycle again. This time for your daughters with different tastes. One doesn't eat while the other is extremely picky. The choice for the former was easy..I don't have to buy anything for her but for the later, well, its a different story altogether. "Ho, she don't this and that" "No chilli in the morning" "Maybe, I'll buy her the noodle and if she doesn't like it, then maybe I'll eat it" I thought.
So after having completed this arduous tasks, I brought my aching body home and place the breakfast on the table.
As I was in pain, I decided to lie down and watch my TVB series. Then the family awoke and I had to face what most fathers would dread to hear. "Aiyah, same breakfast again-ah" "Aiyoh, the noodles is soggy already-lah". "Why buy noodle-ah?" " I don't like to eat" All these without realizing the troubles you took to make sure that breakfast is waiting for them. You find that being a father is truly a thankless job. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO DELIVER EVERYTIME!
On this particular weekend, I really wish for once that someone would go out to buy lunch for the day as I was feeling really painful all over. Unfortunate, everybody was so preoccupied with what they were doing to really notice that I was in pain. When it comes to a stage where I was feeling nauseous being too hungry, I really wanted to shout out " Hey you guys! I'm in pain and can somebody go buy lunch?" but that would be petty and not possible because the only person who can drive is my wife but she can't drive my SUV which is blocking her Wira. I often wondered what would happen if I am stricken with a heart attack and she will never be able save me although I have tried many times to try to get her to learn driving my car. Anyway, if i really do have a heart attack, my epitaph would probably read..
"Here lies Simon who died of blocked arteries and blocked car!"
Many times, as a father you are expected to be pillar of the family, the strong one and in most cases, taken for granted. Nobody expects you to be sick and you are expected to do your duties as a father would.
Fathers always put their families first and will never burden them with 'trivial' matters like "Help! We don't have money for food anymore!" After all, what do you get from telling them? You get more pressure from their despairs. That's why most fathers like to bear the pain in silence and alone. They will never deprive their family and children of what they want, even to the point of him having to make a sacrifice. I am a person who cannot have expensive meal alone. I will feel guilty if my family is not there to share the meals with me. I would rather have the cheapest meals alone and then splurge on the family. Seeing them happy is more satisfying to me. That's why I never spend on myself. In read recently that a scientific study has shown that money makes a person happy only if he gives it away! I believe that because that's how I am. The reason I don't buy things for myself is that I cannot be happy but when I buy something for the family, I see their smiles and their happiness and that makes me really happy. Maybe that's one of the reasons why men don't like to shop!
In all my life, I have always live for others. I am more concern about my wife and children. "Are they eating well?" "Do they have enough clothes to wear?" "Do they have enough money to spend?" There are many things that I would like to have but I can never bring myself to buying them. Does this mean that my family is insensitive to me? No. Like every fathers, this is the role that we have chosen. We are the provider because that's what makes us proud. We do not expect them to thank us because it is a thankless job and you take it not for the accolades. You take up the role of the father because it gives you so much joy and happiness.
So, the question remains.."If I die now, will I have regrets?"
Yes I will and the only regret will be that in spite of me living to ripe old age of 120 years old, I will still not have enough time with my family!
Ok, now to my 2 sens worth!
The past weekend has been one of those rare occasion that I was taken ill. My old body was aching all over and I could hardly move. But like always, I will struggle out of bed and drive to the nearest coffeeshop, have my glass of iced Chinese tea and read my newspapers. After that, I would then decide what breakfast to buy for the family. First come the missus. "What would she like to eat today?" "When was the last time I bought her that?" "How does she likes it made?". The questions keep going through your mind because you want to make sure that when she wakes up, she'll have a nice breakfast, just the way she likes it, waiting for her with her daily newspaper. Having done that, you go through the cycle again. This time for your daughters with different tastes. One doesn't eat while the other is extremely picky. The choice for the former was easy..I don't have to buy anything for her but for the later, well, its a different story altogether. "Ho, she don't this and that" "No chilli in the morning" "Maybe, I'll buy her the noodle and if she doesn't like it, then maybe I'll eat it" I thought.
So after having completed this arduous tasks, I brought my aching body home and place the breakfast on the table.
As I was in pain, I decided to lie down and watch my TVB series. Then the family awoke and I had to face what most fathers would dread to hear. "Aiyah, same breakfast again-ah" "Aiyoh, the noodles is soggy already-lah". "Why buy noodle-ah?" " I don't like to eat" All these without realizing the troubles you took to make sure that breakfast is waiting for them. You find that being a father is truly a thankless job. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO DELIVER EVERYTIME!
On this particular weekend, I really wish for once that someone would go out to buy lunch for the day as I was feeling really painful all over. Unfortunate, everybody was so preoccupied with what they were doing to really notice that I was in pain. When it comes to a stage where I was feeling nauseous being too hungry, I really wanted to shout out " Hey you guys! I'm in pain and can somebody go buy lunch?" but that would be petty and not possible because the only person who can drive is my wife but she can't drive my SUV which is blocking her Wira. I often wondered what would happen if I am stricken with a heart attack and she will never be able save me although I have tried many times to try to get her to learn driving my car. Anyway, if i really do have a heart attack, my epitaph would probably read..
"Here lies Simon who died of blocked arteries and blocked car!"
Many times, as a father you are expected to be pillar of the family, the strong one and in most cases, taken for granted. Nobody expects you to be sick and you are expected to do your duties as a father would.
Fathers always put their families first and will never burden them with 'trivial' matters like "Help! We don't have money for food anymore!" After all, what do you get from telling them? You get more pressure from their despairs. That's why most fathers like to bear the pain in silence and alone. They will never deprive their family and children of what they want, even to the point of him having to make a sacrifice. I am a person who cannot have expensive meal alone. I will feel guilty if my family is not there to share the meals with me. I would rather have the cheapest meals alone and then splurge on the family. Seeing them happy is more satisfying to me. That's why I never spend on myself. In read recently that a scientific study has shown that money makes a person happy only if he gives it away! I believe that because that's how I am. The reason I don't buy things for myself is that I cannot be happy but when I buy something for the family, I see their smiles and their happiness and that makes me really happy. Maybe that's one of the reasons why men don't like to shop!
In all my life, I have always live for others. I am more concern about my wife and children. "Are they eating well?" "Do they have enough clothes to wear?" "Do they have enough money to spend?" There are many things that I would like to have but I can never bring myself to buying them. Does this mean that my family is insensitive to me? No. Like every fathers, this is the role that we have chosen. We are the provider because that's what makes us proud. We do not expect them to thank us because it is a thankless job and you take it not for the accolades. You take up the role of the father because it gives you so much joy and happiness.
So, the question remains.."If I die now, will I have regrets?"
Yes I will and the only regret will be that in spite of me living to ripe old age of 120 years old, I will still not have enough time with my family!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Does it really matter that much?
I cried my heart out last night when I heard a PLA officer narrates the difficulties of saving a victim of the Wenchuan Earthquake only to have the victim died in his hand. It is not only the China disaster but my heart also goes out to the victims families in Myanmar and everywhere else where disaster strike. It is at times like these that you realized how lucky we are living in a country like Malaysia. Sure, it has its flaws but if people can live in peace and harmony and are willing to work together without suspicion, then there is nothing we cannot achieve.
I always believe that there are lessons to be learned from all these disasters and if we failed to do so, then the millions of lives sacrificed would have been wasted.
First, we should never take Mother Nature for granted or underestimate its power. Sure, we cannot control natural disasters like earthquake and floods but have you noticed that most deaths are actually caused by human? In the Wenchuan Disaster, it is now suspected that buildings where most of the school children died are due to shoddy workmanship and corruption.In Myanmar, the flood has destroyed homes but millions will die not by the flood but the Junta who has plundered the country without a care or responsibility to its citizen. I often wondered why wants to billions. Will your conscience be clear when millions of people who trusted you to take care of them is dying?
In Malaysia, we are blessed with rich natural resources with no natural calamities. With only a small population of only 22 million, we have more than ample for everyone. Yet, instead of enjoying what God has provided us, we waste our time and energy on which race should have more. Ironically, in disasters like Wenchuan and Myanmar, people all over the world are rushing to send in aids and the last thing on their minds are whether the people that benefited from their aids are Chinese or Burmese. If you really think about it, race really do not matter. God created everybody the same but some are more fortunate than others. In the spirit of brotherhood, the fortunates must take care of the less fortunates . In todays turmoil society, we need to be selfless because the reality of life is that it is a cycle and times will come when you will be on the receiving end. A Government elected by the people must put the people's wellbeing first in any situation. Nobody will fault the elected officers from being rewarded when the people in general are well taken care of. Afterall, would an elected Representative do a good job if he is financially weak to even take care of his family? The bottom line is to serve with integrity and sincerity and you will be rewarded.
Second. Take a good look at the people around you. Your children happily playing and
your dear wife busy preparing food. Then think of the parents now in Wenchuan crying out for their lost children. Do you want to wait until such time before you show them you care? Give them a hug now!. Don't wait until they are not around anymore before you start to miss them. You've worked hard to provide to your family but in many cases, a loving hug will be their greatest love from you. If you have been too busy lately and haven't called your parents for a long while now, give them a call and tell them you missed them. This is more valuable than the money you gave them. You are not rich with millions of ringgits if you don't have family to share it with.
The world is a strange place with full of ironies. You have rich Junta governing a very poor country and you have a rich country in Malaysia which has rich resources that are enough for everybody, fighting who should get more share. Does it really matter that much?
I always believe that there are lessons to be learned from all these disasters and if we failed to do so, then the millions of lives sacrificed would have been wasted.
First, we should never take Mother Nature for granted or underestimate its power. Sure, we cannot control natural disasters like earthquake and floods but have you noticed that most deaths are actually caused by human? In the Wenchuan Disaster, it is now suspected that buildings where most of the school children died are due to shoddy workmanship and corruption.In Myanmar, the flood has destroyed homes but millions will die not by the flood but the Junta who has plundered the country without a care or responsibility to its citizen. I often wondered why wants to billions. Will your conscience be clear when millions of people who trusted you to take care of them is dying?
In Malaysia, we are blessed with rich natural resources with no natural calamities. With only a small population of only 22 million, we have more than ample for everyone. Yet, instead of enjoying what God has provided us, we waste our time and energy on which race should have more. Ironically, in disasters like Wenchuan and Myanmar, people all over the world are rushing to send in aids and the last thing on their minds are whether the people that benefited from their aids are Chinese or Burmese. If you really think about it, race really do not matter. God created everybody the same but some are more fortunate than others. In the spirit of brotherhood, the fortunates must take care of the less fortunates . In todays turmoil society, we need to be selfless because the reality of life is that it is a cycle and times will come when you will be on the receiving end. A Government elected by the people must put the people's wellbeing first in any situation. Nobody will fault the elected officers from being rewarded when the people in general are well taken care of. Afterall, would an elected Representative do a good job if he is financially weak to even take care of his family? The bottom line is to serve with integrity and sincerity and you will be rewarded.
Second. Take a good look at the people around you. Your children happily playing and
your dear wife busy preparing food. Then think of the parents now in Wenchuan crying out for their lost children. Do you want to wait until such time before you show them you care? Give them a hug now!. Don't wait until they are not around anymore before you start to miss them. You've worked hard to provide to your family but in many cases, a loving hug will be their greatest love from you. If you have been too busy lately and haven't called your parents for a long while now, give them a call and tell them you missed them. This is more valuable than the money you gave them. You are not rich with millions of ringgits if you don't have family to share it with.
The world is a strange place with full of ironies. You have rich Junta governing a very poor country and you have a rich country in Malaysia which has rich resources that are enough for everybody, fighting who should get more share. Does it really matter that much?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
My Ideal Wife
After my first posting on Malaysian Politics (aiyah, just trying to look intellectual only-lah), I now give you my 2 sens worth on my ideal wife. After reading this, men will envy me and women will condemn my ideal wife but I don't care because what I want cannot be found already-lah!
First, a little bit about my ideal wife. She must be beautiful and looks 10 years younger than her actual age. Maybe that's not good because if she is beautiful, then I look ugly standing besides her but then again, because I am ugly, I make her look beautiful! Anyway, who cares? People don't look at ugly men but at beautiful women only.
My ideal wife must be international. 'China-pek' thinking and puts husband always first. Continental fashion-sense and Japanese (only look pretty and don't talk when around husband's friends). She must be very 'kiam-siap' so that she knows only how to keep many money and spend little. She not 'kepochi' and never tell on husband's friends' 'curi-makan' to their wives. She is able to stay up all night and accompany husband to have fun with his friends and never complaining of being tired or want to go home in the middle when you are having fun. Most of all, she never show 'black-face' in front of husband's friends who also like her company.
Being middle-age and slightly 'hamsap', I like to look at women who have big mammary-glans (trying to sound scientific and less 'dirty-old mannish'), she will also look out and inform me when such subject approaches. As a businessman, I do a lot of traveling and entertaining and my ideal wife will pack condoms for me 'just in case I am 'pressured' by my colleagues to jolly-jolly' and insist on buying a dozen packs even if I insist that I don't need them. This act is not to encourage the husband to 'stray' but because she is very understanding of the 'pressure' the husband has to go through to bring home the bacon and have absolute trust in the husband.
Does such a wife exist-ah? If she does, whoever marries her will be the most happiest man on earth! You men agree-ah? Women might condemn such woman but to be like her, she has to have the highest self-confidence and trust in her husband, the 2 qualities that will make any marriage successful and condemn as you may, it takes a very special person to have these attributes.
Where to find such wife? No need to find anymore-lah because I am married to one for the past 20 years and despite having the envious 'passport' to jolly-jolly freely, I would not trade my wife for anybody and I would never take her trust lightly. She is my world and there will never be another like her and we have made a pledge that we will find each other and be together in our next life.
I am not perfect. I am not handsome, rich or smart but the only perfect thing that God has given me is the Perfect Wife! And I am the happiest man on earth!
Note: Picture shown not my wife-lah! How I wish...
Malaysian Politics - Who's Right?
Since the political tsunami of March 8, there have been numerous blogs talking about the issue. Interestingly, there are basically 2 camps on this. On one side is the Establishment trying to defence its rights and the opposing side that condemns everything the other does.
I have always pride myself in been objective in everything I do and never to be judgmental. Like everything else, there are always 2 sides to a coin and in the current situation, I want to give my 2 sens worth on the matter from an objective perspective.
We hear some many blogs condemning the BN on their wrongdoings and that they should be replaced.
My view is that if BN is as bad as what has been quoted in the numerous blogs, are the Malaysian people in general, suffering economically? I feel not, as Malaysians in comparison to other countries has one of the best standard of living, with most families, regardless of race have at least a Proton car at the minimum. Jobs are still in abundance and which can be confirmed by the numbers of foreign workers coming into the country to work. Many middle class households have maids while people from neighbouring countries have to come to Malaysia to work as maids. Condemn as much as you like, Malaysia is still the best country to live in. At least, we don't have to worry about guns firing at us or our houses being bombed. We have abundant natural resources and despite the many racial issues, the Malaysian people, irrespective of race, is generally happy with each other and would prefer, unless I am wrong, to continue living with each other is peace and harmony. While you many may disagree, what we have today IS the efforts of the BN!
On the other side of the coin, the undertones are the so-called 'racial divides' which to me has been overplayed by BN who is using the 'divide and rule' strategy to hold on to power. When you have ruled the country for over 40 years, its never easy to let go. What happened? Like a corporation who has a monopoly business, BN has grown to become complacent, arrogant and out-of-touch with the every people who elected them. Instead of the 'Customer is always right' attitude, BN has become self-centered and started making policies that are racial-biased without concern of other minority races.
As a parent, I am particularly unhappy that school has become 'Islamized' with teachers imposing their own rules such as having prayers during Assembly. I can understand if it is an Islamic school but a national school where students comprising of different religions? I feel school should be apolitical and devoid of religions. Children must be taught to respect each other's religion without any particular religion having a prominent presence that will be viewed as 'superior' Schools should just stick to what they are for, to teach and not to preach.
Talking about teaching, I am amazed at the standards of teaching in the schools today. At most times, lessons are not taught as teachers are away on courses. The standard of English is truly atrocious and what is frustrating is that student has no recourse. The teachers is minding and teaching our children but who is minding the teachers. Do headmasters and principals actually take the time to review the performance of teachers in their respective schools? Wouldn't it be interesting if we allow students to grade their teachers. Why are we slipping? The answer lies in the policies that were taken by BN that focus more on what's good for the Malays instead of what is good for the Malaysians.
Instead of helping Malays to upgrade their skills and knowledge, the Government choose instead to focus on lowering the standards to suit the Malays and in doing so, deprive others from accessing higher education that they so deserved. No body wants to deprive anybody of anything. Neither dos one gets pride in getting unfair advantage. Contrary to beliefs, having half-baked graduates is not beneficial to the country or the student. I can go on and on but as this is my very first posting, I'll just end by saying this...
Malaysia is still a great country and my home. The people irrespective of race is peaceful and respectful of each other. Don't let this be politically screwed up. We have no where else to go.
I have always pride myself in been objective in everything I do and never to be judgmental. Like everything else, there are always 2 sides to a coin and in the current situation, I want to give my 2 sens worth on the matter from an objective perspective.
We hear some many blogs condemning the BN on their wrongdoings and that they should be replaced.
My view is that if BN is as bad as what has been quoted in the numerous blogs, are the Malaysian people in general, suffering economically? I feel not, as Malaysians in comparison to other countries has one of the best standard of living, with most families, regardless of race have at least a Proton car at the minimum. Jobs are still in abundance and which can be confirmed by the numbers of foreign workers coming into the country to work. Many middle class households have maids while people from neighbouring countries have to come to Malaysia to work as maids. Condemn as much as you like, Malaysia is still the best country to live in. At least, we don't have to worry about guns firing at us or our houses being bombed. We have abundant natural resources and despite the many racial issues, the Malaysian people, irrespective of race, is generally happy with each other and would prefer, unless I am wrong, to continue living with each other is peace and harmony. While you many may disagree, what we have today IS the efforts of the BN!
On the other side of the coin, the undertones are the so-called 'racial divides' which to me has been overplayed by BN who is using the 'divide and rule' strategy to hold on to power. When you have ruled the country for over 40 years, its never easy to let go. What happened? Like a corporation who has a monopoly business, BN has grown to become complacent, arrogant and out-of-touch with the every people who elected them. Instead of the 'Customer is always right' attitude, BN has become self-centered and started making policies that are racial-biased without concern of other minority races.
As a parent, I am particularly unhappy that school has become 'Islamized' with teachers imposing their own rules such as having prayers during Assembly. I can understand if it is an Islamic school but a national school where students comprising of different religions? I feel school should be apolitical and devoid of religions. Children must be taught to respect each other's religion without any particular religion having a prominent presence that will be viewed as 'superior' Schools should just stick to what they are for, to teach and not to preach.
Talking about teaching, I am amazed at the standards of teaching in the schools today. At most times, lessons are not taught as teachers are away on courses. The standard of English is truly atrocious and what is frustrating is that student has no recourse. The teachers is minding and teaching our children but who is minding the teachers. Do headmasters and principals actually take the time to review the performance of teachers in their respective schools? Wouldn't it be interesting if we allow students to grade their teachers. Why are we slipping? The answer lies in the policies that were taken by BN that focus more on what's good for the Malays instead of what is good for the Malaysians.
Instead of helping Malays to upgrade their skills and knowledge, the Government choose instead to focus on lowering the standards to suit the Malays and in doing so, deprive others from accessing higher education that they so deserved. No body wants to deprive anybody of anything. Neither dos one gets pride in getting unfair advantage. Contrary to beliefs, having half-baked graduates is not beneficial to the country or the student. I can go on and on but as this is my very first posting, I'll just end by saying this...
Malaysia is still a great country and my home. The people irrespective of race is peaceful and respectful of each other. Don't let this be politically screwed up. We have no where else to go.
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