Peter Pan

I had an amazing and surreal experience this morning. Yeong visited my blog and commented on how my article has inspired her to better understand her father. I really appreciated her comments and thank you. You have also inspired me. One of the things that I hope to achieve from writing a blog was to give an unbiased views on things that will help others, even one would have made me happy. I did it and I'm grateful it happened so soon that I am inspired to give more of my 2 sens worth.

I'm sure most of you have heard or read about Peter Pan, the boy that doesn't want to grow up. If you had really read the story well, you'll see that its also about adults who have lost or forgotten their childhood.

Most fathers are Peter Pans because in their journey to parenthood, their heavy responsibilities had forced them to suppress the child in them and to put on a persona that most of us are familiar with. Stern, Disciplinarian, Opinionated and sometimes, stubborn. I lament the many sad voices that I hear from my daughters' friends about how they find it difficult to talk to their fathers and how they feel that their fathers don't understand them.

I pride myself to be a good father but I am good because I have great children who allow me to become one. Likewise, before you cry about the 'injustices' that you faced from your fathers, give a thought to what you have done for him. Instead of saying your father don't understand you, have you tried to make your father see your views? I can assure you most children feel intimidated by their fathers.

It is the responsibilities since time immemorial that fathers should be the disciplinarian. They have to suppress their youthfulness (remember, nobody wants to grow old) so that they feel they will be able to keep their family together. They fear that by letting down their guard, they will lose the respect and control of their family. This is where the role of the children comes in. To have better parents, you need to show them that you are capable of taking care of yourself and in making good decisions. You need to show them that you can differentiate what is right and what is wrong. Parents will die one day and their biggest fear is to leave their children on their own. That's why they are protective (from a child's eyes, that's sternness). Try grabbing a baby eagle from its nest and come hell or fury, the parent will be try to bite your eyes off! Don't expect your father to change his persona overnight, though. It took him years to develop his character. Be patient and I assure you, you'll see the father you like.

Children complains about their fathers' stern and controlling character but would you then prefer a father who don't care at all? Many will say No!

Children are better educated today then what we were back then. Better less educated and less exposed, people then to be more stubborn and difficult to control. That's why parents need to be stern and rule with the cane back then. But things have changed tremendously. With the Internet and higher education, children today, to me, are by far, much better. Parents, particularly fathers have not evolved much. In today's era, the children must lead because parents are lost in the world of electronics and computers. They only know the negative things they read in the newspapers. For example, they control you using the computers because they fear you being cheated or visiting porn sites. Instead of saying that they are unreasonable, involve your father in what you do. Show him how computer helping you and how you are responsible. The more he understand, the more comfortable he'll feel.

Sometimes, children gets involved in things that the parents don't understand. For example, you have a talent for photography and want to pursue it further but you need to invest in equipments. No parents will immediately agree simply because he sees it as a waste of money (his major concern) and in most cases, the child has a history of being 'hangat-hangat tahi ayam'. The other thing on the father's mind is that you can't make a living from photography although like at any other professions, photography can make money. Again, you need to engage him in your hobby. Show him the photos that you have taken. Get him involved in your photo shoots. Ask his opinions. Bring out the Peter Pan in him.

Take a good close look at your father. He probably looks old and haggard and appears to have have a lot on his mind. As I mentioned earlier in my other postings, fathers then to keep everything to themselves because they do not want to burden their family. If you want to have a good father, you need to be good sons or daughters. Engage him more in what you do so that he can understand your world better and similarly by engaging more into his world, you will also create a better and happier family environment.

You are the Peter Pans who refuse to grow up and your fathers have the Peter Pans within them. There are actually a lot of similarities between you too. You both need only to drop your persona and bring out the Peter Pans in all of you.