If I die now, will I have regrets?

First and foremost, before I give my two sens worth on my new posting, I would like to express my thanks to those who have taken the trouble to visit my blogs and most of all who have dropped in their comments. I'm sorry for not answering to you as I am still not familiar with blogging yet.

Ok, now to my 2 sens worth!

The past weekend has been one of those rare occasion that I was taken ill. My old body was aching all over and I could hardly move. But like always, I will struggle out of bed and drive to the nearest coffeeshop, have my glass of iced Chinese tea and read my newspapers. After that, I would then decide what breakfast to buy for the family. First come the missus. "What would she like to eat today?" "When was the last time I bought her that?" "How does she likes it made?". The questions keep going through your mind because you want to make sure that when she wakes up, she'll have a nice breakfast, just the way she likes it, waiting for her with her daily newspaper. Having done that, you go through the cycle again. This time for your daughters with different tastes. One doesn't eat while the other is extremely picky. The choice for the former was easy..I don't have to buy anything for her but for the later, well, its a different story altogether. "Ho, she don't this and that" "No chilli in the morning" "Maybe, I'll buy her the noodle and if she doesn't like it, then maybe I'll eat it" I thought.

So after having completed this arduous tasks, I brought my aching body home and place the breakfast on the table.

As I was in pain, I decided to lie down and watch my TVB series. Then the family awoke and I had to face what most fathers would dread to hear. "Aiyah, same breakfast again-ah" "Aiyoh, the noodles is soggy already-lah". "Why buy noodle-ah?" " I don't like to eat" All these without realizing the troubles you took to make sure that breakfast is waiting for them. You find that being a father is truly a thankless job. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO DELIVER EVERYTIME!

On this particular weekend, I really wish for once that someone would go out to buy lunch for the day as I was feeling really painful all over. Unfortunate, everybody was so preoccupied with what they were doing to really notice that I was in pain. When it comes to a stage where I was feeling nauseous being too hungry, I really wanted to shout out " Hey you guys! I'm in pain and can somebody go buy lunch?" but that would be petty and not possible because the only person who can drive is my wife but she can't drive my SUV which is blocking her Wira. I often wondered what would happen if I am stricken with a heart attack and she will never be able save me although I have tried many times to try to get her to learn driving my car. Anyway, if i really do have a heart attack, my epitaph would probably read..

"Here lies Simon who died of blocked arteries and blocked car!"

Many times, as a father you are expected to be pillar of the family, the strong one and in most cases, taken for granted. Nobody expects you to be sick and you are expected to do your duties as a father would.

Fathers always put their families first and will never burden them with 'trivial' matters like "Help! We don't have money for food anymore!" After all, what do you get from telling them? You get more pressure from their despairs. That's why most fathers like to bear the pain in silence and alone. They will never deprive their family and children of what they want, even to the point of him having to make a sacrifice. I am a person who cannot have expensive meal alone. I will feel guilty if my family is not there to share the meals with me. I would rather have the cheapest meals alone and then splurge on the family. Seeing them happy is more satisfying to me. That's why I never spend on myself. In read recently that a scientific study has shown that money makes a person happy only if he gives it away! I believe that because that's how I am. The reason I don't buy things for myself is that I cannot be happy but when I buy something for the family, I see their smiles and their happiness and that makes me really happy. Maybe that's one of the reasons why men don't like to shop!

In all my life, I have always live for others. I am more concern about my wife and children. "Are they eating well?" "Do they have enough clothes to wear?" "Do they have enough money to spend?" There are many things that I would like to have but I can never bring myself to buying them. Does this mean that my family is insensitive to me? No. Like every fathers, this is the role that we have chosen. We are the provider because that's what makes us proud. We do not expect them to thank us because it is a thankless job and you take it not for the accolades. You take up the role of the father because it gives you so much joy and happiness.

So, the question remains.."If I die now, will I have regrets?"

Yes I will and the only regret will be that in spite of me living to ripe old age of 120 years old, I will still not have enough time with my family!